I used to think I was patient. I taught preschoolers for more than seven years. I parented a hyperactive son before ADHD became a buzz word. People who saw us thought I was a bad parent, unable to discipline my child.
I used to think I was kind. I’ve rescued grasshoppers, snakes, lizards, frogs, possums, and tried to befriend people who find themselves a target of unkindness. When I was eleven, I hit an adult three times my size with a metal fence post because he was savagely beating his runaway pony on our property.
Now I know I am not patient. Suffering brutal pain for so long from a huge bulging disc in my back that is pressing directly into my spinal cord has robbed me of patience. I feel like limping to the nearest hospital on my crutches and refusing to leave until the problem is fixed – or until I get arrested and forcibly removed. I’m not suicidal – yet – but death doesn’t scare me: it means the pain would stop.
Now I know I am not kind. Pain that takes my breath away and makes me fall down on the floor if I happen to sneeze or cough when I’m standing up has robbed me of kindness. Some days I think I would walk over the back of my grandmother to get to the operating table first.
I am thankful for this pain. It has been an opportunity to learn – really learn. Never judge another person. Never. You don’t know what storm of pain or difficulty they are passing through. Next time, it could be you.
I am thankful for this pain because it has humbled me. “Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought to think, rather soberly as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith.” Romans 12:5
With the Lord’s inspiration, I’ve written a lot of books. (Without Him I could never have written even one.) Yet, how do my books benefit the world if I am impatient? Or unkind?
I am a broken person inside and out. But with this self-knowledge comes the opportunity to change and get things right.
8 thoughts on “I Used To Think…”
Hang in there, Stephanie. Prayers coming your way!
Thanks, Victoria. So appreciated! Couldn’t make it without the prayers. God bless you and your lovely family….and your writing! Love your books.
Praying for God’s continued touch and ultimate healing, courage and strength.
Thanks so much. Your prayers and kindness mean the world to me. May God continue to touch all areas of your life too, bringing any health and help needed.
Thinking of you, dear Steph. Pain is exhausting and wearing and energy depriving. I pray you get your op soon! Meanwhile, be good to yourself and don’t do anything that will exacerbate it. Big hugs! Xxx
Pain day after day can rob you of many of your emotions and change personalities, but to see it as a chance to learn and improve is a sure sign of maturity and an old soul
What a kind comment. Thank you for your grace, mercy, and encouragement. The pain you experienced with your mother through the years (Walking Over Eggshells) has carved you into a beautiful, compassionate person.